I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
