I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
