Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
