I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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