Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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