Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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