dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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