Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
