Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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