is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
