none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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