The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
