she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
