found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
