I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
