i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize