I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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