The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
