some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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