My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
