the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
