I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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