I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
