no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
