those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
