Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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