Yo dont text me then not text me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
