why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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