Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
