yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
