Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
