I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
