Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize