help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
