I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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