:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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