Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize