I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
