he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
