oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
