I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
