Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
