Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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