I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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