Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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