shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
