Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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