Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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