? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
