Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
