five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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