dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
