So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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