There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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