I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
