Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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