I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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