The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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