He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
