Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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