i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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