Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
