the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't notice because vodka
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
