i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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