No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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