I need to stop coming to work sober
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
