I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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