If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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