If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
whose parrot is this?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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