she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love having hate sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
