i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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