So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
