Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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