Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
