Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
