pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
