he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
