This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this will be a night to untag.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
