No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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