yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize