PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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