Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
