she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
