I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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