not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
