Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
