If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
