Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
