he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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