I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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