she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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