need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
