I just saw a hot homeless man
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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