how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
