so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
