Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
