They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize