I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
