I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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