And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
