I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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