Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
