I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
